Characters form into a line across the stage area in order of appearance, character 1 on one end, and the last character on the other end of the line. Each person steps forward 1 big step as he does his character, and then steps back into line when done.

Chorus I: (Everyone)

If I weren't in Troop ______
there's nothing I'd rather be.
If I weren't in Troop ______

1st person: (Steps forward) A ________ I would be.

Chorus II: (Everyone)

And as you pass him by
you'll always hear him cry...."

1st person: (Does line and actions for character TWICE)

Chorus I: (Everyone)

2nd person: (Steps forward) A ________ I would be.

Chorus II: (Everyone)

2nd person: (Does line and actions for character TWICE)

1st and 2nd person: (Do lines and actions for characters ONCE)

Chorus I: (Everyone)

3rd person: (Steps forward) A ________ I would be.

Chorus II: (Everyone)

3rd person: (Does line and actions for character TWICE)
3rd and 2nd person: (Do lines and actions for characters ONCE)
1st, 2nd and 3rd person: (Do lines and actions for characters ONCE)
etc, until last character has been presented...

End Chorus: (Everyone)

If I weren't in Troop ______
Why, there's NOTHING I'd rather be!!!

Characters

Farmer:
Come on Betsy, give it if you want to live.

Airline Stewardess:
Here's you coffee, here's your tea. here's your plastic bag.. Blahhhh!

Plumber:
Flush it, plunge it, Look out below!!!

Convict:
Oh, no, not the chair! You'll never take me alive!

Jail warden:
Put it away, get back in there! Don't make me get the hose!

President:
Budget hearings, cabinet scandels, How did I get in here?

Senator:
Pork barrels, greased palms, Who gets paid off next?

Carpenter:
Six by four, nail it to the floor.

Undertaker:
Six by four, nail him to the floor.

Cook:
French toast, fried chicken, What the heck is that?!

Garbageman:
French toast, fried chicken, What the heck is that?!

Statue:
(Poses. Does not say anything. Gets carried off at the end of the song)

Dead man:
(Gasps, clutches chest, and croaks. Lays on ground until the end, when he is carried off by others.)

Skit-so-frenic:
(last person in skit)
Who am I? Where am I? Why am I here?

(Then goes down the line of characters, doing lines with each one.)